Current state of mind.

Recently, I feel like I’m 5 years old all over again. 

That joy of breathing the fresh air (even tho it’s not so fresh where I live) whenever I bike my way back to my tiny little flat. My mind would shut down, no thoughts, no worries, no deep-philosophical shit would pass my mind. Only my feet pushing against the pedals, my eyes seeing the green leaves, the breeze I feel of autumn wind. Especially the cozy smell of a temple/shrine on a special day. I can soak that in all day! Hanoi trully feels like home now.

What was I like when i was 5? Great question, I was a super confident child, who thought he was basically some sort of demi-god, capable of everything. And people would love me for my outrageous way of speaking, expressing myself. I remember that I felt incredibly happy there, nothing could ever stop me. I thought I knew how the factory worked just by looking and analysing a pack of milk! I would bla bla about how the worker must have handled there procedures, and how the trucks delivered the packs to all the stores, and then to me. I also felt so suprior to my peers, because they were mentally retared for thinking that when we take a nap at noon, it means we will wake up the next day. Fucking retarded children. I tried to explain how time worked, but they just looked at me strange, which even increased the feeling of supermacy in me.

Now, I’m not that cocky anymore, luckily. I cant insult everyone that is retarded in my mind. Otherwhile I would be screaming all day lol.

But I’m regaining that sense of self-esteem. The confidence that went away because of the boxes that society put on me. 

I was told I cant do that, I have no talent. And I believed them. I put the boxes on my mind too. I limited myself just because of the opinions of others. After the limitation is instilled, I feel so small like I have nothing to contribute, like my voice cant be heard, like there is no meaning to my existence.

There will times that these limitation come right back, dragging me down again. But for now, no more!

I FEEL LIKE KANYE! And it  is so awesomeeeeee.

This is me, doing the Pharaoh dance, taken by my brother when I was 10. I was still a cocky little child in this pic lol.

Lotteria NKT. 13:18, 15/11/2016.

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5 comments

  1. A Guy · November 16

    thank you for writing this. you put me into a cathartic and soul searching that I have not been in a while. it made me really think about my own values that I haven’t been in touch since the younger days like yourself. it always seems like people are always not so different as I’ve thought. we go through the same type of experiences. it made me a bit sad at the same time. you seem to be a bit sad is my guess, not that that is a bad thing. have a good one dude.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sil in the La · November 16

    Hah, you crack me up.

    Liked by 1 person

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