Diary No.3 123116

Just got back from Ba Vì, a short vacation for the seniors of my school. I feel like I haven’t written anything true to my heart for a while.

In fact, I can’t even feel my heart anymore. I’m quite upset about that.

I want to cry,  I want to laugh. But there are so many blocks in the way, cutting the following stream of sensations.

It fills me with sexual desires, dark fantasies, insecurities and self-doubts. Just 2 weeks ago, I was bullet-proof from my head to my toe; now, I’m quite unstable, easily irritated. In short, i’m acting like an immature lil’ bitch.

But I’m not to worried though, I have plans.

All these mood swings come from the fact that my confidence is based on what other people think of me, not my actual self-esteem, or competence.

I want to raise my self-esteem through becoming competent in writing. I believe if I consistently hone my skilllset, those which I happened to have an aptitude for, I would truly be internally confident.