Into the belly of the beast

Everything is so god damn quiet. I can hear the fuzzing of my own brain, it bothers me.

They say there’s a calm before a storm, this must be it. This holiday seems to be more of a curse than a bliss. It furthur propels me into the Void – fancy word for laziness and disorientation.

I am indifferent, apathetic and uninterested at the moment. I feel like a drunken old man who’s so fed up with life that he wants to kill himself but too lazy and coward to do it. I don’t even want to write this piece, why am i even writing this? No idea.

I believe in a few things. One of them is that every man (and woman) has his own journey in life, and there will be times that you have absolutely no motivation, no purpose, no nothing. I knew this state of mind will come, and I have made a plan to counter and remain productive. I failed. I fell into binge watching youtube videos, porn and masturbation.

I’m not sad, I’m just operating from a lower consciousness.

I once heard a story about Jonah. He got swallowed by a beast. And in the beast’s belly, miracle happens. He prayed and prayed… Something, which i have yet to know, happened.

It’s a positive ending so don’t worry about Jonah, worry about me instead.

Thinking about that story keeps me somewhat positive about the near future. Just somewhat.