FACING MY FEAR

I’m still a student. A young boy in an Eastern culture where “honor” is highly valued. Needless to say, academic performance matters greatly.

My University Entrance Exam is only 2 months away. All the anxiety has already building up inside me. If you are someone who is outside of Vietnam, may be it will be a bit hard to sympathize with me here. University Entrance Exam is literally everything to a vast majority of students in Vietnam. We take 2,3,4 extra classes every week. The amount of date that needs to be memorized is beyond comprehension. It’s the ultimate test of a broken education system. Way too much pressure with little meaning.

I remember vividly how terrified I was when I knew of this tormenting exam. I was around 6 or 7 years old then, thinking that I still got plenty of time to dodge that monster. I was still young and carefree.

But that monster has come knocking on the door and its name is Mathematics. We have a bunch of subjects to choose, but I chose English, Literature and Maths.

And by far Maths has always been such cruel joke to my existence that I don’t know what’s what anymore. I strips away my self-confidence and destroys my self-esteem like an overdominating father. I am hateful and terrified of it at the same time.

Time has revealed the ugly truth to me: Maths will be my ultimate test of manlihood. I know the test is 90% trivia and has little or nothing of value for our future life. But I will still have to take it and I will jump on Math’s neck that dirty son of a bitch.
Fuck you.

Daily Journal #7. 0h20 23 04 2017.

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