Quite Anxious

To be honest, I’m quite anxious not only about the upcoming exam, but also about the party that I’m joining to promote. There are 4 of us that come together and try to make this happen. One Vietnamese highschooler, three college students, two in America, one in Australia. So far, the girl from Australia hasn’t done anything. My girlfriend said we would fail, and she hopes this would be a learning opportunity for us. She says that we are too unprofessional, too disorganized, too ignorant. I think she may be true.

At first I think this would be just like throwing a small hangout party. We make some calls. invite some friends and gain some money. But apparently that is not the case when you hold a 50 million VND party with no experience whatsoever. We have overlooked our marketing strategy severely. There is little to no hype. We aren’t quite sure yet what to do in the next few days to boost the number of attendees. I wonder what else have we overlooked? May be we have overlooked everything. May be we can’t hit any selling points that we pitch. There’s a lot of discussion still left on the table.

This has already taught me a lesson: the real world isn’t that easy. It cleanse out the immature, the rushers, the hot-shots. If we aren’t willing to spend hours and hours of planning, strategizing from the teeth to the toe of the gig, things will get messy.

Now I’m currently in charge of the marketing department. I will have to carry this project for the next 4 days. I have written the plans, done the calculation. It’s time to put in the work. 2 posts a day.

It’s funny: I haven’t put in the actual works for a couple of days. Like the first sentence has mentioned, I’m also anxious about the upcoming exam. I still have a lot of work to do. This is not coming from a paranoid, worried, insecure viewpoint. This is a fact: I have to work much harder and cover a lot more lessons. I still have basic Math formulas that I’m not quite sure. I still have different types of social essay that needs to be strengthened. I still have to take more Math tests to fasten my reflexes.

Knowing all of this, I was still lazy for the last few days. I have been sleeping way too much. I have been watching Youtube video for hours on irrelevant topics. I have been skipping going to the gym. I have been drinking and eating unhealthy food that I feel like has fucked up my mood and made my body sick. I’m aware of it, but still, I haven’t taken action.

It’s almost 1 P.M. I have just woken up. I struggled and fell asleep at 4 A.M. That’s bad, really bad. Tonight, no matter what the fuck happens, I shut off and go to sleep at 11.30. Hopefully I would fall asleep at midnight. I need to reset my circadian rhythm and store energy for tomorrow.

To do that, I need to burn mental energy today. I need to actually work my brain into fatigue to sleep that soon. I still have 6 more hours to fill in the proper work. I also need to do some PR work in the evening, so that will be about 8 hours in total. If I use my time wisely and efficiently, I would be done by 10.

I would probably want to quit halfway through. So I need to make a plan that can counter that desire.

3 first hours: Math. 1 test. Fill up.

4th hour: English test. Fill up.

5th and 6th hour: Memorizing Literature. Use graphs.

7th hour: write posts.

8th hour: launch posts. DM-ing people. Asking influencers.

That’s the plan. I will do this today to get a good sleep. The closer I stay to the plan, the better sleep I will get. I haven’t been very productive. This is the chance to finally shake things up and put them into motion. And it’s Sunday, so most people will waste time.

My girlfriend just said she doesn’t understand why I don’t lower my words mark down to 600 so that I wouldn’t be rubbling everyday about how hard and how tedious the writing process is.

But that’s exactly the point. I want to put my consciousness into a solid form. If I wanted to make a message, this whole journal would have to be aligned to support that message. This is just me, putting everything that I’m currently thinking, feeling into words. It’s likely that things will get very repetitive. But that’s also a tool for me to better navigate inside my mind and put things in order.

Daily Journal #53

11 06 2017

13h06 A.M

Nhung’s place.