It’s noon and I’ve just woken up. I have lost a morning to sleeping, Needless to say, I’m quite furious with myself. I have got a really bad sleeping routine. I stayed up until 4 A.M and slept until now.
I have got about 12 hours left of the day to make it count. I can not take back the lost time, but I can control what I’m going to do in the upcoming hours. Let’s not get furious and lose our cool. It’s no use to dwell on the past emotionally. What’s done is done. I can get up, dust off my shoulders and move on.
Wrongfully Dwelling On Mistakes
This is a thing that we do. We make a mistake and we beat ourselves over and over because of it. We think that’s a good way to remind ourselves not to repeat that mistake. We think that pain is a good incentive, a powerful whip that will ingrain in our consciousness the lesson if we beat ourselves hard enough. I do that to myself. Whenever I make a mistake, my reaction is to get angry, to be furious, to be very emotional. Let’s say today, I wake up late, my initial reaction was to talk trash about myself:” You’re a loser. I can’t believe you can still do that. Don’t you know that the Test is almost here. Why can you still sleep in. You don’t deserve to be loved…”
The bad thing about that kind of negative, neurotic reaction is that I do not become more productive, I do not take better care of myself the next time, I do not make any changes. I know this from experience through numerous occasions: it keep coming back. So the whip does not work. Why doesn’t it work? I do not know yet a clear answer. But I think because it does not intelligently tackle the roots of the problem, it just trimmed out the branches, the surface and the symptoms.
I have never rationally asked myself: ” Why do you wake up so late?”
I stay up late so I wake up late. And if so, why don’t I get furious with myself from staying up late in the first place? Why do I keep watching videos after videos even though I clearly know what the consequences will be? Where’s the whip then?
The whip seems to be out of place. It’s a form of pseudo discipline. If I manage to wake up early this morning, I would be feeling fine, proud of myself even. But I shouldn’t be, because I’m not getting sufficient amount of sleep, hence even waking up early, my efficiency wouldn’t be the best it can be. So feeling angry and irritated in the morning makes no sense when I’m still enjoying myself until 4 A.M.
So I did not do wrong when I woke up at noon. What I did wrong was not shutting off at the right time, not scheduling my day properly so that I will feel asleep when the night has come. My mistake was the whole yesterday!
Hadn’t I taken a rational approach, I wouldn’t be able to make this conclusion. So to get up early tomorrow, it does not actually require a huge amount of willpower, but a better planning and executing of today. I need to work hard to sleep deep!
STAYING CALM UNDER PRESSURE
We got emotional so easily, especially when things get hard. But whoever harvest the ability of self-restrain, self-control and self-aware will find himself extremely advantageous comparing to others. We can make better decisions. We can choose what type of emotions, mood is appropriate. We can choose not to break, not to succumb to the stressful environment.
That’s a superpower.
Imagine you making a speech in front of thousands of people. You do not violently react to the judging eyes, to the fleeting attraction spand, to the silence of the audience. You stay on top of your game and give the best delievery you can possibly produce. It may not be good enough, but it will be thest you can be.
All areas of your life will be benefited from you having this power. You will control of your emotions, will be the master of yourself. There noone who can make you scared, make you crumble, make you weak.
I can only imagine how my life will be if I possess this ability. It is said that meditation can take me there. Meditation can help me control my thoughts. That’s a really good reason to start meditating.
Daily Journal #57
12h30 15 06 2017