A DETERMINATION SIT REPORT

I have been on my journey to spiritual pursuit for almost 2 weeks now. I have meditated for almost 10 hours over the course of 12 days, consistently and substantially more than what I have done in the last year. I’m serious this time.

Today, I tried the “Determination Sit”, a method which I learned from Leo, a spiritual and self-development, virtual mentor of mine, who learned from the zen master Shinzon Young. Last year, I tried this and was able to sit for 40 minutes without moving. Eyes gazing into the darkness of the night, I was motionless. My mouth started to water as I drew my breaths, I wetted my whole shirt. That was intense.

Today, I sat for 1 hour and 4 minutes. I aimed for 2 hours. I got distracted and gave in to the urge of getting up. Nevertheless, the number is impressive comparing to the last time.

This time, I fixed my eyes on a specific spot on the balcony of the house right across my room, being like about 4 meters away. 

And I have not once look away from that spot, but the imagery I perceived was crazy. From just a small, concrete part of a balcony, I saw the skeleton head of the Terminator, an eel, an old man with a beard, a raging shark bursting out of the surface and all kinds of shit. Between me and the spot is my window, which is covered with aluminum bars. And I guess my spacial sensor was over stimulated, as I saw much more bars, or the spot would be zoomed out, turning into a little rectangle far away, neatly divided by the window bars. I blinked, squinted my eyes and these changes would become more apparent. Near the end of my sitting, I let go the control of concentrating on the clear vision, and the whole imagery melted and dripped down in half a second. That was the most Oh shit! moment of this entire session.

About technique, this time I was pretty solid. My eyes were open so I was much more alert. Additionally, I just took a shower so my whole body eased out more easily and loosely. I tried the Do-Nothing method: letting whatever happens happenned and dropping all intention of controlling attetion. I still got trapped along the way, inadvertently controlling the attetion, cutting out the stream of my consciousness. But overall, great progress has been made in terms of relaxing, deep concentration.

Another technique I used was the Looking Inquiry: repeatingly asking myself:”Who am I?” and trying to come up with an honest answer, an answer based on feelings and intuition, not logic nor thoughts. I got nowhere, but I will say that my concentration was much deeper than I have ever went in meditation sessions.

Also, I received one interesting mini insight. Why was I seeing those imagery? Why can’t I see that spot for what it actually is, which is just paint, concrete and dust? Why does my mind constantly try to re-paint it with my shit? Asking myself these question was quite fascnitating. May be it’s the ego that’s always desperately trying to seperate us from reality. I’m not sure. May be tomorrow I will dive deeper.

But for today, it was a good meditation session.

18h56 12 07 2017

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