Just a few thoughts that have been lurking around for too long.
I’m in the midst, surrounded by doubts, confusions and hormonal issues; typical teenager stuff.
I want to get back to writing, that would help with straightening out a good daily routine, and also clearing the fogs inside my head.
I don’t know where I’m going, I don’t even know where I am, not literally of course. I would like to believe that I’m a young bamboo, oozing deep in the earthy ground, appearing to be stagnant, but actually undergoing some underground structural changes. I would like to believe that all the work I’m putting in my schedule is helping to groom me out, tweak my weak spots, enhance my overall mental physique. In short, I hope this will all pay off in the end.
I would like to know that all these irritating feelings are the actual purification of my character. I want to believe in the process, to be patient, to endure and push through more.
I’m inside the belly of the subconscious beast, curling myself into a fetus position, wraping my arms around my knees, with hope in my head.
Otherwise, this is just another minor depression. Why am I depressed? I have a part-time job, although just a small amount, but still making money. I have a position in an established organization, in which I could learn so much. I even have a small little society, in which my deepest curiosity is welcome. I’m joing the gym for more than 2 months and starting again my meditation habit for a week now.
Why do I still feel this boredom?
Is this the defense of my ego? Is this the refusal to work and change myself into a new, more productive, healthier way? Deep down, what is going on?
I would write, I would write a lot. If I’m in a depression or some sort, I would battle with it head-on.