Rừng bê tông.

Không có một đường thẳng nào trong tự nhiên; ngay cả đường chân trời cũng chỉ là một trò lừa của thị giác.

Ấy vậy mà xung quanh tôi ngang dọc đều là những đường thẳng. Viên gạch dưới chân tôi là những ô vuông. Cái ghế đẩu nhỏ bé là một hình chữ nhật. Chiếc dép tổ ong tôi đang đi cũng có những vệt phân chia rõ ràng thẳng táp.

Dường như một độ đường thẳng tại một điểm cũng đồng thời là thước đo cho sự kiểm soát của con người.

Khác những con vật, chúng ta không ngoan ngoãn cúi đầu và tuân thủ theo luật chơi của tự nhiên. Ta nuốt chửng lấy thiên nhiên, xáo trộn các trật tự rồi chớ ra những gì tinh túy, hữu dụng nhất. Và thế là ta có những tòa nhà cao tầng, những chiếc smartphone, những đường dây điện luồn lách đến tất cả ngõ ngách trên thế giới. Lịch sử con người càng đi xa, các vật chất có vẻ càng khác lạ, tách biệt đến mức không nhận ra khỏi nguồn gốc của chúng.

Và thời điểm này, ta đang sống trong những rừng bê tông. Mỗi lần ngước lên nhìn một tòa nhà cao lớn, đồ sộ, luôn có hai cảm xúc đối nghịch trào lên trong tôi.

Tôi thán phục trước sức mạnh của chúng ta, sức mạnh của trí tuệ đã tạo những bước tiến dài để kiếm tìm một cuộc sống tốt đẹp, tiện nghi hơn cho nhân loại. Tôi cũng thầm biết ơn vì được sống trong thời đại đầy thịnh vượng và bình an như bây giờ.

jungle

Có gì đó đáng sợ trong cái sức mạnh đó. Nó thô ráp, vụng về và có phần khoe mẽ. Nó vô hồn và xấu xí, đặc biệt là những tòa nhà công sở hay chung cư vội mọc nhanh như nấm nhưng không mảy may để ý đến sự thẩm mỹ, sự hài hòa với quang cảnh xung quanh.

Loài người như đang trong giai đoạn thanh thiếu niên với một rổ hoormone lên xuống thất thường. Những tòa nhà cao vút như một minh chứng cho một dạng ích kỷ của con người, ta tự ý xoay chuyển thế cân bằng của thế giới vì lợi ích của riêng. Liệu ta sẽ hối hận, sẽ có lúc con cháu của ta sẽ hổ thẹn về những “thành quả” mà cha ông chúng để lại?

Nhưng tôi muốn tin vào một tương lai tốt đẹp hơn, khi con người và thiên nhiên hòa quện trong từng bước phát triển. Khi mà những ngôi nhà sẽ bắt đầu có thần thái, có linh hồn riêng của nó. Những nhà kiến trúc sư vĩ đại sẽ trở thành những siêu sao của thời đại. Cả thế giới sẽ được trầm trồ chiêm ngưỡng những tòa cao ốc vĩ đại. Và có lẽ nó sẽ được yểm bùa hay cân bằng toàn bộ các yếu tố phong thủy để đem lại mưa nắng hài hòa cho cả một thành phố. Các tòa nhà sẽ trở thành những vật được thờ cúng, ngưỡng mộ mới. Không chỉ về giá trị kiến trúc, kinh tế mà chúng còn là một biểu tượng tinh thần.

Nghĩ kĩ lại, có lẽ ta đã khá gần đến thời điểm đó rồi. Chỉ là Việt Nam đang hơi chậm chân so với bạn bè quốc tế chút đỉnh thôi.

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“[…] One bad day away […]”

About 3 or 4 months ago, I watched the famous The Killing Joke, an animated movie about the birth of Joker and the tragic death of a failed comedia, metaphorically of course, because they are the same person.

Now that I’m on quite a different vibe, I see another layer to The Joker’s philosophy in this movie:

“Every sane man is just one bad day away from me”. The Joker.

I understood it intellectually the first time. But I feel it now, I can see how it would play out with me going insane . He was talking about some kind of momentum, the destructive momentum of a hurricane. Like a snowflake rolling downhill with the slopes have acid, alcohol and gasoline. Once you get carried away with it, suddenly, the whole world turns red and everyone is fucking ugly, irrational and extremely hostile. Your precious, classy, respectful girl would approach every guys and forget all about you in Hoi An. The bed would get so stuffy and the clothes don’t even fit you right. I want to tear everything apart. I want to sceam and let hell break loose up on this motherfucker.

The voices start to creep in slowly, like Arnold if he was an emo 14.
“Ooh, they be laughing at you” “Ooh, they be watching you, they be judging you” “Look at the bunch of high school children all giggling for the joy of such pathetic, alienated creature like you”

Something bad happens to people everyday, they all seem capable of coping with it, don’t they? But what if all the bad things happen to you happen in one day, just one day without you even knowing if you would make it ’til tomorrow, would you be sane still? 

The Joker said: Absolutely not! You would go bat-shit cray cray. He wants to prove our special thing we dyingly holding onto (ego, identification) is just fragile as a candelion. 

I, personally, agree with him that it is easily broken like arms of an elder veteran. But what is left is not the beast like he is, I’m with Batman on that.

Realizing this and writing it down cost me my sadness. I felt alone and lost but now I’m lost in thoughts instead.

Windy IPH. 14h:25. I missed another fucking movie hangout. Nhung is working, I’m all alone and it sucks. Karma?

freaking out.

I’m totally freaking out right now. My heart is reacing because I’m just a few miles away from seeing Frank Yang. Yes, Frank Yang may be in Hanoi right now. I literally screamed out loud the moment I saw his girlfriend Instagram post with the location:”Hà Nội”.

I’m not even sure if he is in Hà Nội or not. But if he does, I want to meet him so bad. I started watching his video since 2013 or 2012. He stroke me as an abstract, disruptive yet absolutely interesting to watch. Slowly he became a big inspiration to me for his outlandish and unapologetically way of being. A being, not a concept or a label like 99% of the population. An actual being scrapping the bottom and the tip top of existence.

Frank, if you are in Hà Nội. Let’s meet up. I want to thank you personally for all the mental gains from the inspiration and also would love to discuss farther topics.

Hoa. 1:13 17/11/16

The title means flower in Vietnamese. In case you didn’t know, I’m a Vietnamese boy. I’m 17, senior high schooler, which mean i’m in the spring of my life.

And my life has been in blossom for quite a while. I’m loving life! A rare thing for a senior guy to state. Peers are up to their necks with work. So many complaints on workload being too stressful, so many questions unaddressed or guidance for their near future. I get it. University is scary, choosing a major that will benefit potential career is something you have to consider over and over again. Young people must think deep and hard on these matters. That’s why it’s so troublesome for the majority.

“Why are you always so happy? Don’t you have problems to worry about?”, a girl asked me today. Well, I do. But let’s really think about how important our problems are.
Major in universities. Flash news for those who don’t know yet. Universities are NOT that important. Dont get me wrong, if you want to be a doctor, a lawyer, or any profession that require surgical training and in-depth studying. Study and go to college. You have to go there, no question. But you are like me, and many others, who want to learn business, art, history, philosophy, culture,… many many more fields, universities can not a guarantee of well-paid jobs, decent life. That was true in the heyday of our grandpops, but

“time they a changin” – bob dylan.

And if come to terms with the fact that your biggest problem right now is not that big, other doors open! Universities are really good, but they are not the messiah. Duh! There are so much more awaiting out there to be explored, cultivated. Take that burden, that package of stress off your shoulder and revaluate that. Do you really need to put on so much stress? Do you really need to study that hard? If you die right now, would you wish you had studied harder? 

Nah fam. Not everyone needs to be a doctor, a lawyer, right? Chill out a little. I would not want to grab the flower of life and force it to grow the way it isn’t supposed to grow.

If you are stressed out of your mind about college and university. Don’t worry, you always have a plan B. The wold is a gigantic flower blooming like the tube of the gramophone. The Internet is insanely efficient at creating new ways of learning. You can read free books on anything you like, whenever you like, wherever you like. You can pay money and join a seminar, a workshop that brings just as much value to your understanding as a formal classroom. Information is all over the place. Are you going to embrace it as hard as you study for college?

You have the power of choice. It’s not 1945 anymore.

At my tiny cozy flat. 1:06 17/11/2016.

I should sleep now. This picture has flower. Relevant, i guess.

Current state of mind.

Recently, I feel like I’m 5 years old all over again. 

That joy of breathing the fresh air (even tho it’s not so fresh where I live) whenever I bike my way back to my tiny little flat. My mind would shut down, no thoughts, no worries, no deep-philosophical shit would pass my mind. Only my feet pushing against the pedals, my eyes seeing the green leaves, the breeze I feel of autumn wind. Especially the cozy smell of a temple/shrine on a special day. I can soak that in all day! Hanoi trully feels like home now.

What was I like when i was 5? Great question, I was a super confident child, who thought he was basically some sort of demi-god, capable of everything. And people would love me for my outrageous way of speaking, expressing myself. I remember that I felt incredibly happy there, nothing could ever stop me. I thought I knew how the factory worked just by looking and analysing a pack of milk! I would bla bla about how the worker must have handled there procedures, and how the trucks delivered the packs to all the stores, and then to me. I also felt so suprior to my peers, because they were mentally retared for thinking that when we take a nap at noon, it means we will wake up the next day. Fucking retarded children. I tried to explain how time worked, but they just looked at me strange, which even increased the feeling of supermacy in me.

Now, I’m not that cocky anymore, luckily. I cant insult everyone that is retarded in my mind. Otherwhile I would be screaming all day lol.

But I’m regaining that sense of self-esteem. The confidence that went away because of the boxes that society put on me. 

I was told I cant do that, I have no talent. And I believed them. I put the boxes on my mind too. I limited myself just because of the opinions of others. After the limitation is instilled, I feel so small like I have nothing to contribute, like my voice cant be heard, like there is no meaning to my existence.

There will times that these limitation come right back, dragging me down again. But for now, no more!

I FEEL LIKE KANYE! And it  is so awesomeeeeee.

This is me, doing the Pharaoh dance, taken by my brother when I was 10. I was still a cocky little child in this pic lol.

Lotteria NKT. 13:18, 15/11/2016.